Sometimes you just can’t move

Having a chronic illness means sometimes you just don’t feel well and you just can’t do anything, or not as much as you usually do. Such is the case with me today. I had intended to try to write a blog entry at least every other day, but the past 11 days have been very difficult for me and writing here was last on my list of priorities.

What was so important that this blog was put down as my last priority? For me, 10 baseball games in 10 days and then having to write about the games. But I even prioritized that. Instead of writing every day, I actually started the column 11 days ago and put it in draft form. By the time the home stand was over, I had decided to sum up those 10 games using some of what I had already written. I deleted some paragraphs and brought the column up to date and published it last night. For me, it was a throw-away column, just something to have up there since I hadn’t published anything in almost two weeks. That throw-away column was promoted to another site for which I write – it was a “Spotlight” piece.

I’m very glad I did that last night because today is not a good day at all. Everything hurts, my fingers are swollen, typing is very difficult and I’m exhausted. I get days like these fairly often, especially when I’ve pushed myself too much for too long – like going to 10 games in 10 days and then exchanging a Croc Pot for one that actually had all the pieces I needed and then going to Costco. That did me in.

This is a common occurrence with RA, as I’m finding out through an online support group. Sometimes the pain and fatigue are so bad I just cannot do anything. This is where prioritizing what needs to be done on any given day is so valuable. Today’s priorities were getting out of bed, putting groceries away after my boyfriend returned from shopping and then not pushing myself.

There are people who might feel like I do today and might immediately call their doctors. I’m not like that. I know, after so many years of ups and downs like this that all I need is to take it easy, take a nap if I need to and not push myself. Tomorrow may still be a rough day, so I’ve left a message for a friend who was supposed to come over telling her I needed to cancel and asking if we can get together next week. I don’t need a doctor to tell me to rest. And I will not increase my prednisone, even for one day, to help with the inflammation I’m experiencing. I’ll tough it out like I always do. I reserve the right to call my doctor and increase the pred, but it’s not on my agenda.

I am very lucky. I have very understanding friends and family. They may not be happy with me for canceled plans, especially  last-minute cancellations, but they have been understanding and helpful. I feel badly for those on the online support group who say their friends and family do not understand and call them lazy. It’s hard to make someone understand you just can’t move. It’s not laziness. It’s pure pain and fatigue and it can be debilitating.

And on that note, I’m going to go and take a nap.


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